Going through a breakup is hard whether you have been with someone for a long time or a short time. When you have invested your heart in someone, it hurts when they are no longer there. Containing our feelings is hard and sometimes we just don’t want people asking, “What’s wrong?”.That two-word question can trigger a flood of tears and an emotional melt-down. However much family and friends want to help, and however desperately they want to make you feel better, they can’t. The reality is, you must go through your own journey of healing in order to survive a breakup.
Many clients ask, “When am I going to feel better?” or “Did I make a mistake?” Neither of these questions can really be answered because every person is unique. But one definite answer is true for everyone: “With time, it will get better and easier”.
Break-ups happen for many reasons. Sometimes those reasons have nothing to do with not loving the other person but are about loving oneself more. One knows that more is needed for true happiness. When I see clients going through a break-up, I remind them that this is an ideal opportunity to reflect on their wants and needs. Often people in relationships begin to melt their wants and needs with their partner’s. This may seem sweet at first, but the reality is each person can be gradually losing who they are and wanted to be. We can begin to lose ourselves in a relationship.
Beyond the sadness and tears of a new breakup, there can be the hope of reclaiming your individuality. The best way to build a healthy relationship is to start with two individuals who know who they are. They have to be secure in themselves when they choose to share a portion of their lives with another person. Sharing oneself in a relationship does not mean placing who you are to the side. It means enjoying time with another person that appreciates you for who you are, with no expectations of change.
Have you ever found yourself at a point in your relationship realizing you don’t do many of the things you once loved? Maybe you really enjoyed drawing but you are no longer doing much of that. Perhaps you spent more time with friends and now you realize that doesn’t happen as much anymore. One can start to feel suffocated in a relationship with no idea why. This is a sign that you may need to reevaluate your life path.
Are you truly living the life you imagined for yourself with or without a partner? Are you truly happy or are you happy enough? Do you feel like you can be your true self with your partner with no judgment or fear of making the wrong decision? Are you worried about disappointing your partner? These are only a few questions to ask yourself, especially while you are healing from a break-up. The reality is, if you are honest with yourself, you will realize you were living your life to make another person. This may have lead to you denying your own true desires.
Although we naturally look to family and friends for support, many of their responses may be biased because they love you and want to see you happy. Therapy with an unbiased person can really help you process your breakup, while helping you to rediscover yourself. A therapist can provide you with insight that perhaps you have never considered as you learn how to survive a breakup. Break-ups are hard but if you look at them the right way, you will see huge benefits to becoming you again.
Want to learn how to survive a breakup? If you’d like to talk, please contact us for a 15-minute complimentary phone consultation.